Some Do's and Dont's for communication with young people

In fact, these are good for communication with anyone. You just might need to adapt them a little for the situation.

Let’s start with what not to do..

Don’t be judgemental

Don’t judge the person. Judgement can create a feeling of inadequacy and in most cases, we don’t know everything that is going on. Even if we do, we are not that person and hence will not know what it is like for them.

Don’t fix it for them (or try too)

It is often a temptation to fix (or try to fix) the problem or situation for the person. While this may seem like a good way forward and it may be what the person says they want, they will not be empowered or learn from this approach. Fixing it for them can lead to reliance on you, feelings of helplessness, inadequate, etc. Also, we don’t actually know that your solution is right for them.

Don’t lie.

I hope I don’t need to explain this one!

Here is what to strive to do…

Let them find the way forward

Take the role of facilitator and help them to work through it for themselves. Guide and question, while being careful not to lead them your way - see the infographic at the end for additional help.

Know your boundaries and communicate them.

There is nothing more confusing than mixed messages, especially when dealing with young people – it is too confusing leaving the person not knowing what the best response is. In fact, it creates chaos in their life which can in itself lead to further issues. Know where your limits & thresholds are and tell people what they are.

Be honest.

It may be tough, but you know it’s right.

Make yourself available.

It is often hard to talk about our problems and finding a way through them. The last thing that is needed after finding the courage to approach a trusted person is to be brushed off, told later or go away, I’m busy. Set expectations, there are times that you really can’t be available – communicate them and make time when you can be and stick to it.

Listen.

Really listen and refrain from interrupting.

Ask questions … gently.

Questions can be very hard to answer especially when we have kept the answers hidden from ourselves. Be gentle when helping people explore themselves. Why questions can come across very accusingly or harshly. Sometimes implying that something is wrong. Try to keep to open questions and avoid the why one!

Be consistent.

This is like the setting boundaries one. If you are not consistent then this behaviour creates chaos for the other person and can add to the problem.

Ask and accept help

Know when you need external help. Maybe there are resources or skills that you don’t have that someone else (or organisation) does. Asking and accepting help in these areas, demonstrates great life skills to others.

This infographic on how to explore feelings might also help.