I just want to be normal!
“I just want to be normal” is something that I often hear from my clients. Personally, I never want to be normal.
I think this difference comes from the different means behind the word…
Normal: -
‘Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected’ or
‘The usual, typical, or expected state or condition’
Yes, I want to be in an expected state most of the time, but I don’t want to conform most of the time!
We are all special, unique individuals that will never be able to completely conform to every aspect of the typical or expected- it is just not possible. How many of us can actually perfectly fit into the clothing size that is our normal?
However, we can live within expected tolerances while being individuals and that is the definition of normal that I want for myself and my clients.
After 2020 & 2021 (Coronavirus pandemic) most of the world wants to be normal. Many of us were forced by law to conform to something that was definitely not normal and it was uncomfortable or worse. As I write this, I wonder how long it will take to get back some of the normal things that we used to do and also how easily we have switched to this new normal. Humans are amazing.
Conflict can come from striving to conform to normal when you cannot change the things that are preventing you; either because you have not taken the responsibility to change or because you have no control over them. While we should stand up for our rights and not roll over and conform because someone tells us too, ongoing conflict can result in stress, anxiety and physical symptoms. It is the conflict that warrants further scrutiny.
Thing we cannot control- these need to be acknowledged. We can then examine how you would need to be to feel differently about it. This can then lead to something that you can do that will help you with acceptance or be at peace.
Things you can change - take the ownership of them, even if you can’t resolve it, yet. Define what you can do to change.
These two things will work to minimise the conflict and its effects on you.
When you decide to change and want someone alongside you
