Love your partner’s faults

This blog is about how to improve your relationships; with your partner and others. Even the most fantastic of relationships has its moments. Here is how to improve those moments.

We need to start by acknowledging your part in the relationship and take ownership where you are at fault. Yes I’m talking about saying sorry! Because this gives you the power to fix it. If not you are just hoping the other person will make changes. I touched on this in a previous blog “It’s all their fault”. A note of caution here, don’t use this as a trading tool with the other person; “If you do X then I will do Y” is not the best way forward.

A good thing to remember is that an opinion is NOT fact. Just because you think or feel something does not make it a universal truth. Others have thoughts and feelings too and they believe they are right as well. We sort and filter the information we receive via our senses and though our world. Our world is based on our upbringing, society, beliefs, and values. This is why the game Chinese Whispers works. So we need to LISTEN to what the other person is actually saying, not jump to conclusions of what they really meant to say based on our world.

Also remember that if your aim in any communication is winning, then that means that the other person has lost. Not the best thing in any relationship, I think you will agree. Think, do you want to be right or happy? Make the decision and act accordingly.

Some key points to communicate by:

·       Choose your battles. Do you need to win this one?

·       Change you, you cannot change someone else no matter how hard you try. Only they can do that.

·       Listen, really listen

·       Accept that you are in the best place right now

·       Recognise that other people can have a personal viewpoint that is different to yours. You don’t have to agree with them.

·       Resist getting defensive.

·       Apologise for your part in a disagreement to empower yourself

·       Do NOT insult or aim to destroy

·       Acknowledge the positives.

·       Be kind.

·       Treat them as you would like to be treated.

·       You could be wrong … just a thought!

There is another way ...