Emotional Baggage
Credit – Life Hack & Mandie Holgate
Sometimes we find ourselves repeating behaviours and feeling the same negative feelings. It’s like you can’t break free, no matter what you do. This could be emotional baggage that is keeping you repeating these behaviours and feelings.
Below are some common types of emotional baggage
The Scared Child
This is that voice from long ago that says “I have failed before and it will happen again. You can’t do this.”
This child is not always active. There may be particular types of challenge that bring the child to the fore. The child is holding outdated beliefs about what you can and can’t do.
This child needs love, encouragement and compassion. Focus on what you have done and can do.
The Overbearing authority figure (e.g. parent/teacher)
“You’re not even trying”, “You’re stupid” is what they tell you.
People who put you down can have a long-lasting negative affect on your life – especially your mental health. Often these people are not aware of their actions and the damage they do, because this behaviour is feeding a need in them (that is a whole different blog!)
The opposite end of this scale is the people from your past who told you that you can do anything.
You need to know that you are doing a good job, so if you are or are not, getting the right feedback can enable or inhibit growth. Seek quality feedback and not feedback that just reinforces what you already believe.
The Bully
Many of use have had one of these in the past, often at school or in our careers. This one is less about what they say or did to you and more about what you wished you’d said to them.
This one has a huge impact on anxiety, depression, and mental health and nowadays often occurs online.
If this is being triggered in the present, take a pause and check with yourself … are you reading past hurts into this? Is this really what is happening or is it an echo from the past. If it comes from the past you can then choose what to do in the present.
The Inner Hater
This is a bit like the child we mentioned earlier; inside there is a judge who is keeping tabs on all the wrongs, the “not good enough”, the “mistakes”. When communicated with, they can list out your failings. It may be that there are some areas to work on, but more likely these no longer serve as we can learn from our failings and tend it do this to avoid failing again.
It's time to change your focus to the good.
The Angry Monster
This one can be hard to get rid of. Anger can come from:
what people did
what you did
what you didn’t do
what they didn’t do
what the world looks like
Holding on to anger or hate is hard work and draining. You put so much effort into doing whatever it is or avoiding it that it can leave you exhausted.
Recognising what you are angry about/toward, and what is behind it or what you hate (strongly dislike) is usually enough to enable you to change it.
The Unloved
That feeling that you aren’t good enough and unloved can be damaging to your life, even preventing you from finding love. Many of us have experienced a breakup. It’s not nice, but it doesn’t mean that you are not loveable.
Remember that what goes on in your head is personal to you. No one can own it or be involved in it without your permission.
To conclude
Wilhelm Reich said, “The less he understands something, the more firmly he believes in it.”
