Changing your perception of children’s behaviour

“Kids do well if they can” – Ross Greene They don’t want to fail or disappoint you.

Parents can feel that their child “Won’t” do what they want them to do – maybe a behaviour, helping out or doing their homework on time. It may be because the child thinks that they can’t... that changes our perception of the behaviour doesn’t it? Let’s explore

Instead of getting wound up by this inaction let’s try another way that may be more useful…

Instead of assuming that the child is being wilful, defiant or stubborn (all traits that they will have learnt from their parents!) take a curious approach and explore what could be behind their action or inaction that is creating the issue. Be the detective..

 Firstly consider how are they now?

• Are they stressed?

• Do they know how to do what is being asked?

  • Are they missing the skill to do it?

  • Have they only been told what to do and never done it?

  • Are they confused by the instruction?

• Do they have the confidence to do it?

  • Do they have the backing of both parents or are they fearful of getting into trouble if it’s not right?

• What is getting in their way?

• How can I help with that?

Once you know more you can find and remove the barriers.

How can I change it?

• What do I expect and is it realistic?

• Consider if punishment gets the result you want or if reward for steps towards what you want is better.

• How did you feel at their age? Often children are “mini me’s” and I often hear parents say ‘I was shy as a child’ or similar; yet we expect our children to be different.

  • (If appropriate) tell them the stories from your childhood. How you overcame your fear, how you learnt best? How you rewarded yourself? Etc.

• How can I support them?

• Talk and listen to them

 Summary

Find any stressors and reduce or remove them if possible

Find unmet needs and meet as many of them as you can

Find knowledge gaps and teach to fill them

There is another way ...